If you know me, you know that I am no fan of local news. With stories of famine, earthquakes, war and Paris Hilton streaming in from across the globe, articles on the annual melon festival and high school swimming team seem to me trite and superfluous. The few passages from my hometown paper that I do read (no doubt passed along by my dear mother) usually appear to have been written by those for whom appropriate structure and interesting prose are not exactly held in high regard. I’ll just stick to the Washington Post and CNN.com, thanks.
Despite my snobby aversion to anything of less substance than an Economist-worthy analysis of the global food crisis (or the US Weekly best-dressed list), I have become somewhat desperate, living in a virtual news-bubble for the past 9 months. Without high-speed internet, a TV or even a radio, I have little access to the goings on in the world out here on the farm. Despite the fact that I live a mere 30 kilometres from the Zimbabwean border, I rely on weekly phone calls with my father for the latest on the election crisis. So news starved have I become that I begrudgingly conceded to buying a Zambian paper while in town. I chose the most official looking publication – The Post, “the paper that digs deeper”.
It was perhaps the best 3,000 kwacha that I have spent since arriving. To be sure, there was little actual news, but the entertainment value of the writing is priceless. I have now made a stop at the newspaper vendor part of my regular routine. Here are some selected excerpts for your enjoyment:
“[Former President] Chiluba expressed optimism that the verbal attacks between President Mwanawasa and Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe will phase out in the spirit of Pan-Africanism. Meanwhile, Chiluba said that he dances with his wife Regina in praise of God….. And Chiluba said that when a Christian sings praises to God, the enemies scatter.”
From an article on young entrepreneurs:
“Without doubt Ethel appears to be the embodiment of so many creative young Zambian’s who exude a determined and almost naïve compassion to excel in what they are doing. This is despite them not knowing whom to turn to source support for their brilliant ideas. Many of these young people remain emeralds in the dirt just waiting to be stumbled upon by the so-called relevant authorities.”
“For a long time now, the Office of the Investigator General or the Commission of Investigations can be said to have been inactive because very little is heard about its activities and achievements and yet this is a very important institution in a country like Zambia that has waged a war against corruption. It is difficult to understand that the government passionately wants to fight corruption in the country but at the same time has neglected the office of the Investigator General or Ombudsman in other words.”
Advertisement for a ‘traditional healer’:
“…runaway husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends recalled. Quick marriage to well-to-do people…We have special sweet-lay for both men and women. Defend your husband or wife from chancers. We treat all VD ailments within 5 days…”
It was interesting to note that 25% off the entire June 9th publication was composed of stories from Xinhua, China’s official state-supervised news service. No surprise then to read an article on the Dalai Lama that declared:
“The feudal serfdom that integrated church with state is gone forever. It is futile for Dalai to tour everywhere and preach “human rights” and “high degree of autonomy” as his attempts go against the current of the world. That’s why Dalai could only deplore his helplessness in his separatist endeavour.”
Because why shouldn’t “the paper that digs deeper” print communist propaganda?
In between calls for community development proposals from international aid organizations and public notices about the ongoing electricity crisis, the pages provide interesting insight into Zambian culture and schools of thought. I wouldn’t exactly call it news, but it’s a good read nonetheless.
